I was always too embarrassed to bring just the drink. I never signed up to bring just the drink, because I suppose that somewhere, deep inside, I figured I loved my kid less if all I offered to bring was a drink. Or, maybe, I figured that I am blessed to be able to stay home with my kids, so I have the time to home make something to share. Or, I figure that bringing the drinks then makes someone else have to bring the more difficult, time consuming main course. And, then in turn, I feel badly about making someone else do work that I am capable of doing (like my friend Karen says, "I'll just get less sleep that night"). In any case, I always felt like bringing just the drink was a cop out.
However, I will admit I signed up to bring the drink for the picnic when I was 900 weeks pregnant with Addison. And I felt so ashamed. I had to tell all the moms that were standing around, watching me sign up for drinks, that I was only doing it because I was pregnant. I felt I had to give an excuse for taking the easy way out. But, once she was here, it was back to home made offerings.
Fast forward from preschool to earlier this year. Back in May I told the higher powers over at the elementary school that I would volunteer in any way they needed. I now have two kids there, so I figured I should put in my time. Then, in August, I took on a large responsibility in our church, which has proven to take up much of my time. So, now I find myself overextended because of church and school responsibilities, with a toddler at home. I have dried up any "favors" of babysitting. I fear my friends will soon start to screen my calls - I'm always looking for help with Addison.
Now I find myself as the room mom for Jackson's class. I've never done this before, and I figured everyone felt the same about drinks that I did. Surely everyone would be clamoring to help volunteer and donate because of that "mommy guilt" that would cause them to want to prove how together they are. But, that hasn't happened. Any time I ask for a volunteer or a donation for a party, everyone wants to bring plates and napkins. For the Halloween party, I had 8 people offer to bring plates and napkins. Aren't plates and napkins like the drinks from the preschool party? Aren't they the easy way out?
All those women have figured it out. They have figured out what they have time for in their lives, and elaborate fruit platters at the Halloween party are not one of them. They've come to realize that in the grand scheme of things, finding time to donate craft projects or cookies are not something to be prioritized.
Delaney is in Daisy scouts this year. There are three daisy scout leaders. And each time I pick her up from a Daisy meeting, I have a strong pang of guilt for making these other moms be the leaders. I feel badly that I haven't volunteered to do it myself. Here is something my daughter loves participating in, and these women give a lot of hours towards, and I feel guilty that I don't do more. Even though I really don't think I have time for one.more.thing.
Now I'm left wondering how to become more of a plates and napkins kind of gal. How do I let go of the guilt if I don't take on the biggest task? I realize there's a balance that needs to be struck. I don't want to be a lazy mom, but I think I need a few more plates and napkins in my life.
On another, more random topic...I saw birds flying in "V" formation today. Guess where they were going?
Due North.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who's lost today.
10 comments:
I don't know the answer since I'm the one that just called you complaining about being overwhelmed. However I will say that when the bunco e-vite goes out I ALWAYS sign up for the drinks. Easy way out.
Every Wed it is my turn to bring a dish for the Parents Food at youth night...I always make a salad...it is what I can do...which is better than doing nothing. With 3 kids your "job" multiple x 3 so fast and I we only do what we can do. So many parents do nothing so whether it is the plates & Naplins or drink never feel guilty unless you never do anything...Give it 3.5 more years and re-evaluate. In the meantime No Guilt!
Oh Kelli, I feel for you. Really. I am grateful you posted this and look forward to everyone's comments and insights!!
My biggest learning thing since becoming a mother myself is to make sure that at all times, I am the one comfortable with my decisions. If I am comfortable, then it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. eg. breastfeeding, I made a conscious choice about when to stop and I made sure that I was comfortable about that so that when other mothers would say, I did it until they were 1, 2 or I am still am (!), I would feel fine knowing I stopped when I did. It's the same with working from home a few hours a week and the same with everything else. But I have had to teach myself that and it is hard to do when you have a pressure on yourself to be a certain way, does that make sense?
Also, times and seasons! The good and bad about this situation will pass all too soon!
You are brilliant - what is your church responsibility?
Wow-- I am definitely feeling lazy now ;) I am almost always a drinks/plates/napkins person.... although if dessert is an option I sign up for that too... but honestly the main reason is because my salads and main courses are not usually very tasty.
Your kids aren't going to remember what you brought to their shindigs... but they will remember that you were their room mom and that you always were at the parties and willing to help and serve whenever asked.
The one thing that I have learned is that my giving at those events increases every year. Once all the kids start going to school you will have more time to help out. We just found out a few weeks ago that Sammy's teacher wants her to go to kindergarten ALL day. Now I am going to be home alone all day, and I'm thinking that the school may find me roaming the halls looking for something to do!
Kids grow up way to fast, so just try to enjoy where you are right now, and remember what you are giving is just right.
Okay, I need to clarify. I'm not saying that plates/napkins/drink moms are lazy. They have it figured out! For whatever reason I feel guilt at not picking a more time consuming item to donate. Or, it might even be that somehow I think it makes me look *gasp* that I don't have it all together...that I can't DO IT ALL.
Who knows, but Vicki, I don't want you to think plates/napkins people are slackers. They're not...I just aspire to be one, that's all :).
I wish I had forced myself to be a napkins and plates mom this year. And I am not even YW president. I figured with Kyle's schedule being "flexible" I could pop into Cade's class twice a week, do some field trips, class parties, etc. etc and I would be doing "my part" to make the world a better place.
It's turned out to be a LOT harder juggling everything with Savvy at home. I am secretly glad we moved if only for the reason that I am sure all that's left to sign up for at Cade's new school is napkins and paper plates. :) I'll let you know how that goes.
In the mean time, take a deep breath, and read The Glass Castle (in all your spare time). It'll make you feel like a Mother Extrordinaire!
I am also very busy with my church calling now (this time of year esp. [Primary Pres.and lots of changes to be made]) and I'm a room mom at Abby's school with 2 kids at home. We too had a sign up for help for a project and all the people did was just send in money to donate for the stuff. So here I am stuck with it all to do along with church and 3 kids. I too need to figure out how to juggle it all without getting all stressed out along with it.
(Wo)man are that they might have joy...not guilt trips! (Russell M. Nelson)
Times and seasons...you are doing great! BTW, can I have Addie? I will babysit anytime!
Overachievers unite! Imagine my surprise when Carter's teacher told me he is the ONLY kid in his class who brings his lunch every day. Or when I called her about bringing bday treats this week that no one else has brought them for the ENTIRE school year. I feel ya. Sorry you are overextended. What is your new calling? RS Pres/Primary Pres/YW Pres??? Hardest callings in the church!
Post a Comment